do herpes really smell.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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