K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
