Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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