thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I've blown a few things in my day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
