This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
