Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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