3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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