it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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