So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What a dumb baby whore.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
