so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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