My Higher Power is John Stamos
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's the barista slut.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
