Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
