If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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