At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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