there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
