I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
