Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
