I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
