I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
