I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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