If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
