Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
