And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
