I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
