I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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