I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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