my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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