I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
