Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
