filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
