I seem to have left my pride at pride
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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