im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
