White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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