theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
