No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
