For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
