you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
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She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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