It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
