Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
