Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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