i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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