Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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