Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
