don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
