These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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