No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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