would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
