I think I won the penis lottery.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
