he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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