i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize