How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
