I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose ass print is on the piano?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize