he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
