2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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