I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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