I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
