I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
