I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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