I wish my penis had an off switch
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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