So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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