if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
