so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
