i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
