mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
