Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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