miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
third nipple confirmed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
