Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
