P.S. I can't hear my feet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
