i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
