filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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