If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize