the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
