then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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