I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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