was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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