You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
