You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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