Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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