I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
